I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She's just so happy...and so naked.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
