i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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