I CAN MOONWALK!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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