why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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