Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
