Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
