He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
