My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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