He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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