I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
