Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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