dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
