A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
