so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
