I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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