my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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