so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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