so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
