YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
