she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
