Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
