They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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