Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
