his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
