You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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