Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
