dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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