you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
