Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
