I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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