you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
