Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize