He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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