My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
