I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
