So drunk its hurt
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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