I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize