overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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