I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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