so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
