And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
