I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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