We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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