Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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