Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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