are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
