Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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