Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
