belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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