remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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