know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
