Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
