Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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