Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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