my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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