and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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