I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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