got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
