it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
