i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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