I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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