Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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