proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
