Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I didn't notice because vodka
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
