Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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