Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize