k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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