just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
