Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
