Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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