Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
