my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
