maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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