I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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