I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
